Marriage - Is It The Begining,Or The End ?

This is an overdue post.It got me thinking for longer than a while !

I came across this, which could be a statement for some, and something the rest of us dread - "I danced with 2 people on my wedding day - the one I married, and the one I wish I had married"

Oh no !!!

When my day arrives,I sure hope I add on to the logistics of the 1st category and truly be contented with it !

So will you ever know till it's too late? Or ,would you be optimistic and shut one eye, and deafen a ear if you find out something you wish did not exist?

Are commitment,love,trust and ya da ya ya da, enough to keep the flame alive and sufficient to live up to the sacred matrimonial unity that binds a man and woman for better or worse ?

I am not in a position to answer any of these questions, neither am I too sure if I would ever be able to.

Lord, have mercy !

Global Economic Recession Of 2008

Yes, it's been awhile since I last blogged. Had been caught up with work,assignments and several other tasks that has been keeping me on my toes.

It's a Friday afternoon, in hot sunny Malaysia.The date is 7/11 and it's 3.11 in the afternoon.

My thoughts over this past week has been on President-Elect, Barrack Obama's jubilant victory overthrowing the under-impressive Bush administration; on how this ordinary human being held on to his dreams of being president albeit the fact that he is off African-American descent, not purely,but partially.

I am excited to see how the super-power America will regain its respect as a global epitome-one of stature and dignity.It's going to be a long road for Obama.My deepest respect and support goes out for you Mr.President !

I truly believe that Obama's administration would bring renewed hope to people around the world who are supressed in one form or another- let it be slavery,discrimination,injustice or even things that we mortals selfishly subject ourselves to.

Sometimes things are not as bad as it really is.It's just that in our pursuit to be better and improve ourselves in the area that we choose to, we subject ourselves to unrealistic targets,unnecessary punishments only to be drained of our mental and physical strength.Agree?

Obama takes office at a challenging time at this 21st century.A time where America had recorded a decline in consumption which has led to the global economic cringe.

I believe that America and China has a big role to play in the recent economic downturn.

The United States consumes 25% of the world's oil and gas production.So when they shut down plants and factories, naturally alot of folks had their jobs slashed, resulting in them having to stretch their dollar and be very watchful of their spendings.

I read somewhere that in lieu of Beijing 2008, factories and roads had to be closed temporarily,in an attempt for China to control air pollution.

So when parts of an over-populated China went "dormant" for a period of time, there was no need for citizens to go out and do the regular things - such as fuelling up,eating out,hanging out.

I strongly believe that we do not face the consequences of our actions immediately.

I read that an average human being on a regular income pattern would get out of their financial debts in 2 years if they dispaly high discipline during that period of time.

Somethings got to go.If we resort to something extra,we need to give up something that we already have.

I know there is more to the pinch and anxiety that had left you and me wondering - what's next?

I know that things will get better.This just happens to be a time where we analyze ourselves, be aware of our dependencies, and not give up.

Sigh..

Have you ever questioned things that happen around you, and go like ,"..oh why now?? Can't fate choose a better time?.."

Life is depicted in a sinusoidal wave..There are peaks, and valleys..uphills and downhills...whatever you may call it...The lessons are learnt along the way, let it be in the uphill climb or the downhill fall..

So I've just come out of a break up, am moving on really fine actually..Things are picking up at work..School keeps me busy, and my friends bring alot of cheer..However,I'm feeling this way because I didn't have the seafood dinner Mr.N promised to take me too..Urrggghh, it's always the men that throw women off course !

So being in a disappointed frame of mind,my thoughts have been wandering..And shit,I have slightly more than 2 weeks to write a 10000 word assignment..So here goes, all in a nutshell..

Since my breakup with the dimwit,my parents have been very protective over me..Questioning my whereabouts and the company that I'm in..It's becoming a teeny bit unpleasant at my end, as I feel like I'm in some sort of quantum leap, in the frame of that rebelious teenage kid they once had..But the difference, is,at present, I'm almost 27, working really hard on that job that provides for me sufficiently, the same job that takes me places, and pays for my MBA..What more can a parent want, when their child is doing fairly well? Reminds me of human nature in general..We're never entirely satisfied with what we have, always looking out for more or improved versions..

I guess there are other people out there who are going thru the same things I'm encountering..

For the next 2 weeks,I'm gonna shun myself away till I'm done with the 10000 word count..A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.

For me, it begins as soon as I get my ass of this chair and have a shower !

Moving On

Why can't this be easier? Gggrrr..
I know I deserve the best,so does everyone out there..

It's not fair that I have to suffer the consequences because of your irresponsibility !

Why did you come after me the second time,sweep me off my feet only to give up like a good for nothing coward??

I did soo much for you, only to get this at the end?

Life is already tough, why do you have to make it tougher for me?

I have support from my loving family,and my wonderful sisters all over the world..I ain't looking back any more..It's foreward thinking from now on..

I'm pulling my socks up, and I'm on my own..Which is not too bad after all, simply because I don't have to put up with your nonesense,excuses and crap anymore..

Yes,I have finally come to my senses, although it took me 2 weeks, but it is ok..I have finally cut myself off past emotional ties..

So,I Broke Up..Again !

Yep, I fell short of another relationship..Broke up in my 4th relationship on August 18 2008,after going out with Person X for 19 months..

Was it a bed of roses?? Nnnoooooooooo.....

But being optimistics as I've always been, I continued to grind my teeth and accomodate during that period of time, telling myself.."...hey, relationships are tough, and requires a lot of hard work.You're never gonna get it easy.."

This particular relationship ended because Person X gave up..He refused to carry on..Instead of working with me, he started working against me..He started attacking the very person that I am..The things that I say to the things that I do..I was too naive to read between the lines when everthing was evidently plastered around ! Why was I too oblivious?

I am one of those old-fashioned conventional person.I don't believe in short cuts.I always hold firm that hard work and persevearance will pay off, maybe not immediately, but in time, the results will be delivered..And when it does,I will have the last laugh - something which I have and will continue to have.

You see, when you succeed, people will remember your success story..But if you fail, nobody would wanna hear your regretful lines..So, you might as well tell those sad stories to yourself as a mode of consolation and comfort for as long as you want !

My parents worked hard to bring up my brothers and me with fine education and good qualities.They taught us respect, and nurtured good faith.They never failed to provide us with the best.They have always instilled good morale and had constantly grind us to never take education and things for granted.Mum always says, that whatever you do outside, reflects on your family and your upbringing.We are who we are today, because we chose not to fool around or disappoint our parents.Our parents are very proud of their 3 kids.They want all of us to settle down and get married, with the right people !

So, what if I take 2 weeks to finish my assignments?Can you do any better than me?If yes you can,stop talking and start to take some serious action,rather than waste your evenings talking cock about everything from bird shit to bull shit !

This break up came as a shocker to me..I didn't see it coming,I was caught unaware..

I learnt far too many things this time around..The very essential one being, to always stand up for the person you are because you may pretend now, for a while, but you can't do that for long..I am a learner, I am open to criticism and feedback, because I do not want to carry on making mistakes that I had been doing out of habitual routine..Life is too short to keep falling and learning from mistakes that you have been making..I rather learn from experiences of others, thru books and posts..Sadly, it only sinks in when it is learnt thru your own fallings and experiences..Maybe yes,I've just been too naive, and that it was fated for me to go thru this..I'll take it in good stride..

The kind of man I wanna marry and bring up kids with is plainly what is in the lyrics below:

Grow Old With You- Adam Sandler
I wanna make you smile
Whenever you're sad
Carry you around when your arthritis is bad
All I wanna do is grow old with you

I'll get your medicine when your tummy aches
Build you a fire if the furnace breaks
Oh it could be so nice, growing old with you

I'll miss you
Kiss you
Give you my coat when you are cold
Need you
Feed you
Even let ya hold the remote control

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink
Put you to bed if you've had too much to drink
I could be the man who grows old with you
I wanna grow old with you

So,I'm gonna run along and do my assignment now..I've got my head on my shoulders,so don't worry about me..I'll be fine ! *hugs*

Changes..

I was just sharing with my boyfriend yesterday, on how the issues we either face or see another person face these days are soo real,something perhaps out of the movies or some soap opera we could have been following..Strange, but true..

Stories of financial debts,family problems,office politics,relationship turmoils,commitment phobia,betrayal...such are the "real things" that I am sure all of us have faced at one point or another..

I remember the day I turned 10.I told my mum my age is ( at that present day of age) a double digit figure..Whooa !!...I was "proud" of myself..Can't quite explain why..My mum ,me and my grandfather were in my dad's old Toyota driving down the road from BSC on that Saturday afternoon..On my birthday 16 years ago..

I also remember turning 18..I was with my parents in their room, and I told my mum that I didn't wanna grow up..I wanted to be 18 forever ..hahaha..No financial commitments,no life threatening exams,no worries...Just plain me,waking up in the mornings,with no mind boggling concern or anxiety or whatever you may call it..

A couple of years ago, I made a conscious attempt to pen down events that I remember from my early days...Since then, every year on my birthday,I will try to remember something from each age...My earliest memory was when I was 3...I remember the event because of the "pain" I endured..My grandfather was driving me home from pre-school..I wasn't wearing my seatbelt...My poor tata knocked against a lamp post, and this little cute angel who was sooooo busy yapping away (me) had her tummy hit against the dashboard..

As a child,I could cry because of pain,frustration or maybe something as lame as not getting what I wanted...I could still do it at 26,but in private of course..hehehe..Crying would not make whatever it is go away...Instead,I would have to stand up,face it and devise a mechanism to work around it...

Today we had some folks from EDS come share with us on their company profile,goals,achievements and future plans...Shell employees had the chance to voice out concerns and raise issues in lieu of outsourcing...And as expected,we didn't quite get what we wanted to hear..

I looked around the room,scanning the facial display of my colleagues and the people that I have crossed paths with during these 2 years of my tenure with Shell..There were alot of foreigners,parents,a few others who had served in the organization for 15 over years,some waiting to retire,divocees,people from broken families,and of course young adults(including me) who had just started embarking on our career,with less than 5 years of working experience..Everyone had their own individual worries and concerns...

These are among the few tough reality scenarios working adults dread to face..Organization changes...Something beyond our control..But you know what, SITI has to wake up and face it !

As staffs,we need to toughen ourselves, provide support to our fellow peers, and set time aside to think of what is important and what's not..on basic essential questions, leading to the quality of life we choose to live and provide for our families and loved ones..

There is a consequence to face for each and every decision we make....

Reflection..Direction..

It has been closed to 3 years since I wrote in a blog.I thought it was a waste of time to blog.But you know what,this cyber space had been created for me to utilize,and that is exactly what I am going to be doing...So yea, this blog would reflect my train of thoughts..I am going to pen down my concerns,humour,perhaps even stupidity on certain days !! Sit back,relax and enjoy the read :-)